Disappearing me

One week post op today. Woohoo. I have to admit it hasn’t been to horrendous. The first probably 18 hours after surgery were crap. Pain, nausea, vomiting, and an X-ray swallow test on top of all that made it pretty ordinary but by Thursday evening I was starting to improve.

Came home Friday – spent two nights sleeping in the spare room without my CPAP as the surgeon wanted me off it for ten days. Realised that wasn’t going to work, moved back to my bed Sunday night, put my darth vader mask on and slept like a baby. Without it I wake up every two to three hours with a smashing headache.

Back to work on Monday – managed to hang in there until 4.30pm. I did have a few little lie downs through the day. Then Tuesday I came in about 10.45am but stuck out the whole day with only one 20 minute rest. Pretty proud of myself actually. I could have taken the time off – I’m supposed to have two weeks but with Allison away it wasn’t fair on Toni and Troy to expect them to run the office on their own.

I’m still having some pain but paracetamol seems to do the trick. I’m struggling to get enough protein in through the day. Instead I’m focusing on fluid as I think dehydration is probably a bigger worry.

I hate my bra – even though it’s soft and I’ve got the back as loose as I can it still feels too tight. I’m freezing – last night I had on my black thermal pjs, a beanie (toque for you canadians) ugg boots, and my robe and was only warm sitting right in front of the combustion heater.

Most importantly (and bloody amazing in my opinion) my diabetes is poof gone! I was sent home from the hospital off all diabetes medication. I think this will have to be reviewed by my endocrinologist when I see him in August but my fasting blood sugars are now completely normal with no medication.

The other thing is the weight loss – which I actually find slightly concerning as it’s so much so quick. On surgery day I was 114.8 kgs (241.19 lbs) BMI 40.7. Not quite where I wanted to be as I was hoping for a BMI under 40. Today I’m 109.4 kgs (241.19 lbs) BMI 38.8. Thats 5.4 kgs (11.9 lbs) in a week. I am hoping it slows down at this rate by Christmas I will have completely evaporated! All up from the start of optigag I’ve lost 17.3 kgs (38.14 lbs).

Would I do this again? in a heartbeat. The hardiest part was the pre surgery diet to be honest. Would I do it if I just had to lose weight? Nope. This is major surgery. If I hadn’t had Type 2 diabetes and severe sleep apnea this wouldn’t have been an option I would have considered.

Mind you it is early days and while I’m very optimistic who knows what the next weeks, months and years may bring.

 

Selfish me

Two sleeps to go until I lose 75% of my stomach. I have to admit I had a little melt down Saturday morning. So much of this process is about getting your head in the right place and I am worried about how that will go after surgery.

Andrew told me I was being a very selfish person at the moment and I am. I have to focus on me. I have to get me to the right place before I have this surgery so I’m in the right place to cope post op. So that means I’m not being a particularly involved wife and mother at the moment so be it.

I am stressing a bit about eating properly post sleeve. I have had eating disorders before and know it can be an easy slippery slope to fall down. I don’t want that happening this time. This isn’t about being thin, it’s about being healthy. I’m going to aim to focus more on the health numbers, my BSL, BP, and cholesterol being normal more than what the scales, and the mirror, say. Mind you that’s easier said than done!

Part of this is keeping my eye on the prize which is being able to be more active and spend time with my family. I realised this week that Amelia won’t remember fat nanna since she’s only 6 weeks old.

I’m on a countdown of optigag shakes – one more for breakfast tomorrow then I’m never touching them again. I’ve made chicken broth in the slow cooker and have a lamb, rosemary and garlic one in there now. Something to look forward to post op. My bag is half packed so I’m nearly ready.

So this will be last post pre op. I’ll see you on the flip side.

 

So 3 weeks down. This week has been ordinary. Eating pureed food which is easy to overeat and boring in so many ways. Not chewing  – just swallowing tiny amounts repetitively until you’re done. I am starting to learn full. It’s tricky when for years I’ve stuffed myself so full was always over full. Now I have to recognise full and stop. If I don’t it hurts!

The scales haven’t moved in the last five days but I really don’t care. I can tell from my clothes that things are changing. a favourite pair of Ariat boots that had always been too tight are now roomy.

I’ve packed up all my expensive plus size clothes that now are too big. I’m not sure what to do with them. A lot of it is suits and work wear, I’m thinking about getting on touch with Dress for Success and see if they are interested in any of it. The other option is a verandah sale when the weather gets better and see if anybody is interested.

I’m still incredibly tired. My goal to walk 30 minutes a day hasn’t happened. I just haven’t had the energy for more than work. I took the day off yesterday and took the teenagers ten pin bowling – then had to have an hour an half nanna nap when we got home!

I’ve started watching Dr Voung on You Tube and also read his VSG book. It did help me realise why I’m so tired. the things we choose for puree are often lacking in nutrition but high in calories. Last night instead I cooked a tiny bit of salmon until it was falling apart and some overcooked broccoli and a brussell sprout. It was delicious and went down fine so hopefully I can focus on some better foods. I also made Andrew and I a green smoothie for breakfast – which didn’t taste like grass!

I’m trying to make Andrew realise as the grocery shopper we don’t need potato chips, lollies, soft drink, chocolate, sweet biscuits ect. AT ALL. I’m getting some pushback as he says I ate them too, and I did, but I didn’t buy them and bring them into the house. I’ve told him if there are no other choices the kids will drink water.

I have to say this isn’t easy – I have been missing food, craving taste and texture this last week. I think it’s partly hormones but I also think a lot of it is head hunger. That wanting to eat for comfort because it’s cold and I’m tired.

This week needs to be a bit of a reset. I need to get better at recognising full, at selecting what food to fill my little tummy with, and I have to get moving.

Onwards and upwards!

 
 

Tired me

Two weeks down since my sleeve gastrectomy and I’m healing really well. Weight loss has slowed down thank goodness, only 1.7 kgs (3.75 lbs) this week. I’d much rather this happened slow and steady and gives my body some time to adjust!

I’ve started eating more solid food. I’ve been making the family stews then pureeing with extra water. I can only fit in less than a quarter of a cup but thats ok. I’m not hungry at all. I’m trying very hard to get in my 60g protein as well as 2 litres of fluid so it doesn’t leave a lot of space for much else at the moment.

I’ve also started on some liquid vitamins which seem to be making a difference. My tummy is too tiny to waste space on pills that it has to work hard to break down. I did try the BN chewable but they were disgusting, not to mention to high in iron for me since I have hemochromatosis.

Biggest issue his week as been fatigue. It actually started around day 8. I’m finding I need all my energy to get through the work day, it’s just exhausting. Thank god I have a thermomix as it takes no time to get a stew made and feed the hungry hordes, puree some for me and be in bed by 7.30pm. Tuesday night I stayed up working until 9.30 pm and then couldn’t sleep and then last night I had a board meeting that went until 9.30pm and again couldn’t sleep. I think I have to go to bed when I’m tired otherwise like a baby I get overtired and can’t sleep – which leads to crankiness.

I need to start walking at least half an hour a day but I just don’t have the energy. It’s something I’m going to try and work on over the next week. Note that goal – half hour walking daily!

I’m also running out of work clothes. I have a lot of beautiful plus size suits and dresses that now look like sacks. I’m still about an Australian size 20 (US 18) and the thrift stores are not overwhelmed with plus sizes that don’t look like baggy crap. I’ve decided I’m going to wear active wear as also have a good collection of that – not that I do anything much active – and it still fits ok. Not a super professional look but actually has no reflection on how awesome I am as an accountant.

So thats another week down 🙂

Crunch Time

Earlier this year I discovered I was going to be a grandmother and I suddenly realised if I wanted to be a part of my grandchilds life I needed to get my shit together with my health.

I have asthma, type 2 diabetes and sleep apnea and being morbidly obese certainly wasn’t helping any of this. So I decided to research weight loss surgery and decided on a sleeve gastrectomy.

Surgery is booked for the 13 of June – 11 days away and I’m starting to freak a little. I decided that the best way to deal was to vlog it so thats what I’m going to do. Hopefully weekly, just to help keep me on track and so I can look back and see the changes as I don’t think I’ll notice otherwise.

I’m no camera expert so they will be rough and ready, not edited. Maybe it will help others thinking about the surgery or going through the surgery to know that they aren’t alone.

I have to say I do feel a bit like I’m letting the big girls down but I don’t think I’ll ever be skinny – I never have – I just need to be healthier.

#MeToo

Me Too, because of:

  • The man that showed me what a condom was for at 5 years old;
  • The elderly male neighbour who grabbed me to him and kissed me at 10 years old;
  • The man that used my budding breast “to dial Ketchikan” at 12 years old;
  • The boy on the bus who viciously pulled my hair until I undid my jacket so he could see my breasts at 13 years old;
  • The man who told everyone in the room I spent my time “fanny flogging” at 14 years old;
  • The boy at the bus stop who restrained me, groped my breasts and gave me a love bite when I was 15 years old;
  • The man who said “sit on my knee and we’ll talk about the first thing that comes up” while fondling my bum at 16 years old;
  • The father of a friend who looked at my jumper with the Snowy Mountains across my chest and told me he’d like to climb my mountains at 17 years old;
  • The man that showed me his morning glory and told me his wife wouldn’t do anything about it at breakfast when I was 18 years old.

So #MeToo before I was even truly a woman.

 

Spend time doing what you love or with those you love?

A very dear friend lost her husband in tragic circumstances on the weekend while pursuing his hobby away from his family. My heart is breaking for her loss and the little girls that no longer have their daddy.

The thing that struck me is everyone keeps saying “Well at least he died doing what he loved” WTF.

I’ll be honest, I think that at 45 with 4 little girls he shouldn’t have been taking unnecessary risks, regardless of how much he loved doing it. His pursuit of his own happiness has now left the 5 people who loved him the most devastated.

I understand that you must find joy in life but I think it is necessary to find balance. There are times when others needs have to be considered.

For me I want to try and find things I love to do that I can do with those I love.