Month: August 2018

Cranky c%$#t me

Apparently thats what I am.

My mum reckons I should take some anti depressants, my sister reckons I just have to be nicer to everyone and have discussions like adults (heads up – dealing with teenagers, not rational adults). It’s the good girl message allover again.

I am cranky, I’m irritable and I’m tired. I’m working long hours then trying to be a wife and mother on a Sunday, which includes making a feeble attempt at housework, then trying to find some me time.

What is really going on here – and I’m not sure if it’s me starting to have more confidence post surgery or just peri menopause or a combination of the two is that I’ve stopped being the biddable bitch. That was me. Agreeable, don’t rock the boat, don’t anger anyone, keep the peace, do it all (or do nothing and listen to the complaints as noone else will do it either). Fuck that shit.

I want to have a life, I’m tired of arranging my life to make everyone else happy all the time. Yes, my husband feels threatened. My professional career is going great and I’m thinner than I’ve been in 10 years. That doesn’t mean I have to constantly change who I am so he can cope. And I’m not going to. The adjustment is up to him this time. I love him but being told how to dress, what my opinion should be, and being asked where would I be if not for him, pointing out our ensuite toilet needs cleaning – makes me cranky.

My kids need to pull their weight. I don’t think it’s a big ask to do the dishes, take out the garbage, feed the chooks. I’m not asking them to dust the skirting boards or scrub the floors – just basic tasks because they live here!

And they all need to stop telling me to be less cranky when I just ask them to do something! Then maybe I’ll be less cranky 😉

 

 

 

Flat me

I’m down, flat, not my bubbly self. It’s that time of the year, middle of winter and tax season and I just feel like I need to find a cave and hibernate for a while. I don’t think it’s sleeve related – although the things I would normally do to cheer myself up aren’t options, which isn’t a bad thing. Binge eating crap might make me feel happy but it doesn’t really make me feel better!

The scales didn’t move for 2 weeks and even though my mantra is “be healthy, not skinny” I still felt quite disheartened. Stalls happen and logically I know this and that the weight will start to go again, and it has, but emotionally it’s back on that why can’t I loose weight cycle.  Nearly every second post on any WLS forum is about stalls and how to get through them. It really is an emotional thing for those that have had surgery and then feel like they’re failing. The cry is what am I doing wrong. Really, nothing. Our bodies have gone through major trauma and need some down time and thats whats happening.

Work is nuts. I’m over people and struggling to be nice to people who are rude/ignorant/ just plain stupid. My tolerance and patience are on a very short fuse. By the time I get home, after talking to people all day long, I just want silence and things I don’t have to think about.

Andrew says I’m no fun anymore, in fact a lot of the time I’m a bitch. He seems to think I should be jumping around full of energy but work at the minute takes every last drop I’ve got. My lack of patience and tolerance probably doesn’t help. He is doing all of the cooking and kitchen stuff during the week which is great but we do have 1 adult child and 2 teens in the house who could do a bit more. He’s not great at getting them motivated so when I try he doesn’t back me, ergo no activity.

Andrew hates being alone, he won’t go to the supermarket without company. I need alone time – not want NEED. I don’t cope without some space just to have silence and do my own thing. I’ve always been this way since I was a child. I think this is part of what’s causing tension. He wants my company because he loves me. I want to be alone so I can love him.

I’ll get through this patch. Only a few more weeks of absolute craziness and then tax season winds down.  I have some time out of the office over the next few weeks at conferences and CPD days which will help. The sun will come out soon, the weather will warm up and life in general will seem brighter. I just have to not stab anyone until that happens.