Body Image

Plus size?

(This was a draft I came across from 2014 and I thought it was worth publishing)

I often wonder about societies ideals of body image. The fact that a woman who wears an Australian size 14 (US 10) is considered plus size is quite disturbing.  The average Australian woman is a size 16 making most of us ‘plus size’.

I’ve always been told I was too big. One of my earliest memories is being sung ‘fatty fatty 2 by 4, couldn’t get through the kitchen door’ – and this was by a parent!

The photo below is me and my sisters. I think I was about 14 at the time and I really thought I was fat. Looking at it now I think I looked pretty normal, although the bikini was a bit small!

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I’m am trying very hard to get healthier. I’ve got a jawbone UP24 activity tracker and am aiming for 10,000 steps per day. I’m also eating healthier. My goal is not weight loss, it’s reducing my blood sugars, reducing my cholesterol levels and my blood pressure. Health goals, not body image goals.

As part of my diabetes assessment the nurse checked my BMI, which is 41, obviously obese. I know I need to be healthier so accordingly I would like to reach a ‘healthy weight’. For me, based on the past I reckon this is about 75-80 kg. The problem is that at that weight I’m still overweight. To be healthy and not overweight I need to be between 52-70 kg. I don’t think I’ve been 70 kg since adolescence!

I have spoken to people who have had lap band. All of them have lost weight but it hasn’t made them healthier. Many say how it is easy to eat unhealthy food as it goes down smoother. Others may be eating healthy but feel they can’t eat in company as they have to eat very slow to avoid regurgitating. This obviously has an effect on self esteem and confidence, how is this healthy?

I understand there is science behind these numbers but in reality that’s all they are, numbers. Rather than looking at weight on the scale, body mass index or dress size, we should be looking at overall health. The numbers that we need to be considering are the ones that indicate if something is not functioning correctly in our bodies.

I’m not saying fat is healthy but lets reconsider what is unhealthy. Focusing on body image and weight loss as the be all and end all to a healthy life is setting people up for failure.

 

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Busy me

Sorry, sorry – I missed last week! It’s crazy time in my office being tax season. At the minute I’m working 10 hour + days and seeing up to 12 people each day for tax returns. Nuts!

Being that work is crazy I’ve let go of my goal of walking for the time being. I am getting a whole lot more incidental exercise. We got some chooks and ducks over the last week so each morning I tramp down the back yard to feed and change their water. Mind you it’s so cold at the moment I can’t feel my fingers while I’m doing it! Also, marching back and forth to the printer at the front of the office and to greet and escort clients to my office so I think the incidental exercise is on the up.

I’m starting to get a little hungry. Not like before where I’d feel like I was going to faint if I didn’t eat. Just niggles and often some protein water chases them away. I’m eating pretty much normal food. Not steak or chops but softer meat and cooked veggies. The only issue I’ve had was some raw cherry tomatoes and I think that is the acid content.

I’m feeling more confident and active. I still get tired really easily – work is draining so by the time I get home it’s eat and off to bed. I’m also finding I’m standing up for myself more. I think when I was so unwell and tired it was easier to roll with the punches so to speak. Now, I’m calling people out if I think their behaviour is not fair.

I can certainly see the difference in my face in this weeks video. I’m sparkly – which I don’t think I’ve been for a long time. Still a long way to go but I am seeing, and feeling the changes and that helps. My 21 year old son reckons I’m looking older the more weight I lose but I don’t care. I’d rather look and old and be healthy than look young and be dying.

Still no regrets 🙂

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So 3 weeks down. This week has been ordinary. Eating pureed food which is easy to overeat and boring in so many ways. Not chewing  – just swallowing tiny amounts repetitively until you’re done. I am starting to learn full. It’s tricky when for years I’ve stuffed myself so full was always over full. Now I have to recognise full and stop. If I don’t it hurts!

The scales haven’t moved in the last five days but I really don’t care. I can tell from my clothes that things are changing. a favourite pair of Ariat boots that had always been too tight are now roomy.

I’ve packed up all my expensive plus size clothes that now are too big. I’m not sure what to do with them. A lot of it is suits and work wear, I’m thinking about getting on touch with Dress for Success and see if they are interested in any of it. The other option is a verandah sale when the weather gets better and see if anybody is interested.

I’m still incredibly tired. My goal to walk 30 minutes a day hasn’t happened. I just haven’t had the energy for more than work. I took the day off yesterday and took the teenagers ten pin bowling – then had to have an hour an half nanna nap when we got home!

I’ve started watching Dr Voung on You Tube and also read his VSG book. It did help me realise why I’m so tired. the things we choose for puree are often lacking in nutrition but high in calories. Last night instead I cooked a tiny bit of salmon until it was falling apart and some overcooked broccoli and a brussell sprout. It was delicious and went down fine so hopefully I can focus on some better foods. I also made Andrew and I a green smoothie for breakfast – which didn’t taste like grass!

I’m trying to make Andrew realise as the grocery shopper we don’t need potato chips, lollies, soft drink, chocolate, sweet biscuits ect. AT ALL. I’m getting some pushback as he says I ate them too, and I did, but I didn’t buy them and bring them into the house. I’ve told him if there are no other choices the kids will drink water.

I have to say this isn’t easy – I have been missing food, craving taste and texture this last week. I think it’s partly hormones but I also think a lot of it is head hunger. That wanting to eat for comfort because it’s cold and I’m tired.

This week needs to be a bit of a reset. I need to get better at recognising full, at selecting what food to fill my little tummy with, and I have to get moving.

Onwards and upwards!

 
 

Disappearing me

One week post op today. Woohoo. I have to admit it hasn’t been to horrendous. The first probably 18 hours after surgery were crap. Pain, nausea, vomiting, and an X-ray swallow test on top of all that made it pretty ordinary but by Thursday evening I was starting to improve.

Came home Friday – spent two nights sleeping in the spare room without my CPAP as the surgeon wanted me off it for ten days. Realised that wasn’t going to work, moved back to my bed Sunday night, put my darth vader mask on and slept like a baby. Without it I wake up every two to three hours with a smashing headache.

Back to work on Monday – managed to hang in there until 4.30pm. I did have a few little lie downs through the day. Then Tuesday I came in about 10.45am but stuck out the whole day with only one 20 minute rest. Pretty proud of myself actually. I could have taken the time off – I’m supposed to have two weeks but with Allison away it wasn’t fair on Toni and Troy to expect them to run the office on their own.

I’m still having some pain but paracetamol seems to do the trick. I’m struggling to get enough protein in through the day. Instead I’m focusing on fluid as I think dehydration is probably a bigger worry.

I hate my bra – even though it’s soft and I’ve got the back as loose as I can it still feels too tight. I’m freezing – last night I had on my black thermal pjs, a beanie (toque for you canadians) ugg boots, and my robe and was only warm sitting right in front of the combustion heater.

Most importantly (and bloody amazing in my opinion) my diabetes is poof gone! I was sent home from the hospital off all diabetes medication. I think this will have to be reviewed by my endocrinologist when I see him in August but my fasting blood sugars are now completely normal with no medication.

The other thing is the weight loss – which I actually find slightly concerning as it’s so much so quick. On surgery day I was 114.8 kgs (241.19 lbs) BMI 40.7. Not quite where I wanted to be as I was hoping for a BMI under 40. Today I’m 109.4 kgs (241.19 lbs) BMI 38.8. Thats 5.4 kgs (11.9 lbs) in a week. I am hoping it slows down at this rate by Christmas I will have completely evaporated! All up from the start of optigag I’ve lost 17.3 kgs (38.14 lbs).

Would I do this again? in a heartbeat. The hardiest part was the pre surgery diet to be honest. Would I do it if I just had to lose weight? Nope. This is major surgery. If I hadn’t had Type 2 diabetes and severe sleep apnea this wouldn’t have been an option I would have considered.

Mind you it is early days and while I’m very optimistic who knows what the next weeks, months and years may bring.

 

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Crunch Time

Earlier this year I discovered I was going to be a grandmother and I suddenly realised if I wanted to be a part of my grandchilds life I needed to get my shit together with my health.

I have asthma, type 2 diabetes and sleep apnea and being morbidly obese certainly wasn’t helping any of this. So I decided to research weight loss surgery and decided on a sleeve gastrectomy.

Surgery is booked for the 13 of June – 11 days away and I’m starting to freak a little. I decided that the best way to deal was to vlog it so thats what I’m going to do. Hopefully weekly, just to help keep me on track and so I can look back and see the changes as I don’t think I’ll notice otherwise.

I’m no camera expert so they will be rough and ready, not edited. Maybe it will help others thinking about the surgery or going through the surgery to know that they aren’t alone.

I have to say I do feel a bit like I’m letting the big girls down but I don’t think I’ll ever be skinny – I never have – I just need to be healthier.

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Gosh – I’m fat?

Really there is no need to point it out. I’m well aware of my size.

What makes people think that those of us who are larger haven’t noticed? I find it quite insulting when doctors, friends etc point out that I’m overweight. I’m fat, not stupid.

My husband is one of the worst. I know he stresses about my health and the effect my weight has on it but looking at me and stating “my god you’re huge” really isn’t helpful, or, “if you would just lose some weight” which I get often from my mum.

I know that my weight has an impact on my health. I am a well educated woman and am quite literate so I can read the studies on health issues that arise from being obese.

Yes, I do have health issues that my weight complicates but some of them are genetic defects that I’m stuck with. Not making excuses, just stating facts.

I’m learning to love myself however I look – that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be healthier. I do have to find the program that works for me and one thing I’m sure it isn’t is lapband so doctors stop pushing that barrow.

At this stage in my life it is what it is, fat chick walking.

 

 

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Fab 40

Yep the big Four O. Researchers from the University of Melbourne have just completed a study in conjunction with British researchers that seems to show that woman are the least happy in the first few years of their forties. It actually said their unhapiness peaks in their early forties.

As that is exactly where I am at the moment, as well as having a lot of friends at the same age or a bit past it, I’ve been pondering why this is.

I think the researchers are partially right that this sadness is due to family pressures, but I think it goes deeper than that.

I have noticed that many of my girlfriends end their marriages in their late thirties and early forties. This would obviously cause a lot of stress and unhappiness but they are ending their marriages because they are not happy in that situation anymore.

By forty, for many of us, our children are all at school and we may be reconsidering reentering the workforce or taking on more work outside the home. I think it is a time in a womans life when her outlook is changing. Our most fertile years are behind us and menopause is looming. I think it is a time when we feel least appreciated for all we do.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. It seems to be a time when we decide to do things for ourselves. When our children are young everything revolves around them and a s a mother your own wants and needs tend to be put on the backburner. By forty the load seems to lighten, children develop their own interests and start to become more capable. Although, I have to say parenting teenagers is hard work but that’s a blog for another day!

For me, this year brings a lot of changes. My eldest started uni (yes I was a child bride), the next one down is in his last year of high school, number three started high school leaving my baby in grade four. This December I will have been married twenty years.

I’m not unhappy at the moment but I wouldn’t say I’m content either. I am more determined to voice how I feel and what I want – this may cause unhappiness for the people around me but I do think it’s my turn in the spotlight.

 

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Bali Belly

Sorry – this post isn’t about dealing with travellers gastro. If that’s what you’re looking for, head back to google.

This is about bikini bodies and the wonderful ones I encountered in Sanur, Bali. There’s been a meme floating around lately about how to get a bikini body – put a bikini on your body. I love the sentiment and although I’ve never been a bikini wearer I’m happy to embrace the ideal and applaud others that do.

Last January we all headed off to Bali for the first time. A huge culture shock for all of us, especially my country kids.

On our second day in Bali Brooke and I headed to Sanur to get her hair braided. We sat on the beach under a huge tree and I people watched while Brooke was being beautified, which took about two hours.

The demographics of the beach goers in Sanur that day were probably fifty five plus. Apparently many retired people from the nordic areas of Europe snow bird to Bali.

What was fantastic is that they all had bikini bodies. Regardless of wrinkles, rolls or sags they wore swimsuits of all description without a care for size, skin colour or age.  I didn’t notice any elaborate cover ups. People strolled along the boardwalk, rode bikes and relaxed on sun loungers without any obvious concern about body image.

Nobody pointed out to them that they shouldn’t be wearing bikinis, and I imagine even if they did they wouldn’t care because if the body is wearing a bikini, it’s a bikini body.

To those wonderful bikini bodied snow birds in Sanur, I salute you.

 

 

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Comfy Undies

I don’t know if it’s a middle age thing or just a difference in priorities but I’ve come to the decision that functionality is more important than looks in my underwear.

I had a time in my mid thirties where I spent up big on sexy undies and lingerie. Yep they were gorgeous, lace and satin, covered the curves beautifully. After an hour I was ready to rip them off. They where either scratching, pinching, riding up or falling down.

I’ve experimented with thongs but really why would I want to wear undies that give you a constant wedgie?

This year I discovered bonds cotton tails. My husband says they are the ugliest underwear he has ever seen and is embarrassed by them on the line.

Me, I’m proud of my comfy undies. Good underwear is the basis of any good outfit. There is nothing worse than constantly readjusting your nether regions, not a good look.

So next time you see large cotton undies on a clothes line know that there is a woman who is confident enough in herself to know undies don’t make you sexy but being comfortable in your skin does.

 

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confidence and the curvy couture roadshow

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I’ve treated myself to a platinum ticket to the CCR. This is the first time a plus size fashion show has been included as part of Melbourne Fashion Festival and I’m really excited about going and discovering Australian Plus Size fashion. My dilemma now is what to wear!

Being a larger lady I’m always nervous about my outfits, part of my goal for this year is to wear what I like and I feel good in. This may not necessarily agree with other members of society (including my family) but too bad.

My original outfit plan was something relatively safe. One of my fav dresses (which I love so much I have in three colours) teamed with boots, a pleather jacket and a new clutch.

Now after reading the blogs from  Danimezza and ICurvy I think I’m going to go a bit crazy. I might even design an outfit around my fav pair of cowgirl boots or the gold gogo boots that I bought for a dress up but secretly love and haven’t been game to wear again. I’ll even bite the bullet and post some pics of my outfit. If ever there was an event to be fashion forward and daring this is it.

Whatever I decide to wear I know I’ll feel fantastic.

Can’t wait to see all the amazing clothes, and more importantly the gorgeous women wearing them.

The CCR is on Sunday 30th March 2013 12pm – 5pm at the Meat Market Pavilion North Melbourne. Tickets are still available if you want to come too or find out more about this wonderful event.