Busy me

Sorry, sorry – I missed last week! It’s crazy time in my office being tax season. At the minute I’m working 10 hour + days and seeing up to 12 people each day for tax returns. Nuts!

Being that work is crazy I’ve let go of my goal of walking for the time being. I am getting a whole lot more incidental exercise. We got some chooks and ducks over the last week so each morning I tramp down the back yard to feed and change their water. Mind you it’s so cold at the moment I can’t feel my fingers while I’m doing it! Also, marching back and forth to the printer at the front of the office and to greet and escort clients to my office so I think the incidental exercise is on the up.

I’m starting to get a little hungry. Not like before where I’d feel like I was going to faint if I didn’t eat. Just niggles and often some protein water chases them away. I’m eating pretty much normal food. Not steak or chops but softer meat and cooked veggies. The only issue I’ve had was some raw cherry tomatoes and I think that is the acid content.

I’m feeling more confident and active. I still get tired really easily – work is draining so by the time I get home it’s eat and off to bed. I’m also finding I’m standing up for myself more. I think when I was so unwell and tired it was easier to roll with the punches so to speak. Now, I’m calling people out if I think their behaviour is not fair.

I can certainly see the difference in my face in this weeks video. I’m sparkly – which I don’t think I’ve been for a long time. Still a long way to go but I am seeing, and feeling the changes and that helps. My 21 year old son reckons I’m looking older the more weight I lose but I don’t care. I’d rather look and old and be healthy than look young and be dying.

Still no regrets 🙂

Selfish me

Two sleeps to go until I lose 75% of my stomach. I have to admit I had a little melt down Saturday morning. So much of this process is about getting your head in the right place and I am worried about how that will go after surgery.

Andrew told me I was being a very selfish person at the moment and I am. I have to focus on me. I have to get me to the right place before I have this surgery so I’m in the right place to cope post op. So that means I’m not being a particularly involved wife and mother at the moment so be it.

I am stressing a bit about eating properly post sleeve. I have had eating disorders before and know it can be an easy slippery slope to fall down. I don’t want that happening this time. This isn’t about being thin, it’s about being healthy. I’m going to aim to focus more on the health numbers, my BSL, BP, and cholesterol being normal more than what the scales, and the mirror, say. Mind you that’s easier said than done!

Part of this is keeping my eye on the prize which is being able to be more active and spend time with my family. I realised this week that Amelia won’t remember fat nanna since she’s only 6 weeks old.

I’m on a countdown of optigag shakes – one more for breakfast tomorrow then I’m never touching them again. I’ve made chicken broth in the slow cooker and have a lamb, rosemary and garlic one in there now. Something to look forward to post op. My bag is half packed so I’m nearly ready.

So this will be last post pre op. I’ll see you on the flip side.

 

Crunch Time

Earlier this year I discovered I was going to be a grandmother and I suddenly realised if I wanted to be a part of my grandchilds life I needed to get my shit together with my health.

I have asthma, type 2 diabetes and sleep apnea and being morbidly obese certainly wasn’t helping any of this. So I decided to research weight loss surgery and decided on a sleeve gastrectomy.

Surgery is booked for the 13 of June – 11 days away and I’m starting to freak a little. I decided that the best way to deal was to vlog it so thats what I’m going to do. Hopefully weekly, just to help keep me on track and so I can look back and see the changes as I don’t think I’ll notice otherwise.

I’m no camera expert so they will be rough and ready, not edited. Maybe it will help others thinking about the surgery or going through the surgery to know that they aren’t alone.

I have to say I do feel a bit like I’m letting the big girls down but I don’t think I’ll ever be skinny – I never have – I just need to be healthier.

The negative in the bed

I attended a conference a while ago and the speaker (I can’t remember who!) said something along the lines of how the person you share a bed with maybe the person in your life who is least confident of your chance of success. I get that. Don’t get me wrong I love my husband but he is very risk adverse. He sees the world with a glass half empty attitude.

For a long time I let his negative and “don’t try something in case you fail” attitude affect my behaviours. My attitude now is to prove him wrong.

As with most things in life you can usually take someones negative and make it your positive.

I’m not going to lie, sometimes it is an uphill battle. It takes determination and resolve to succeed when the person you share a bed with is your biggest critic. Instead of letting it drag me down I use it as the kick in the bum to get up and go.