I’m struggling this week. Not with weight loss, that just seems to happen. I’m struggling with life.
It’s been a week where a lot of old emotions, hurts and memories have been kicked up. Scars opening, scabs ripped off. Sometimes I forget that life isn’t always easy and that even breathing can be hard.
I feel jangled and raw. Look at me the wrong way and I’ll either burst into tears or rip you a new one, maybe even both. Like a poorly tuned violin my nerves are screeching, scalded by my thoughts.
Everything is just too much and I just want to stop. I need to escape. Escape from clients, family, my own body that seems to be letting me down just when I thought I was giving it better care.
It reminds me how important it is to seek help. Trauma never goes away, it just abates and it is amazing how quickly the fear, sadness, guilt, remorse can resurface – even 20 odd years later.
I’m lucky in that my workplace, while incredibly stressful at the minute, is also full of amazing, strong, empathetic women who get that sometimes you just need to fall apart to then come back together stronger.
And I will, it just might take a little bit longer to get the pieces to fit again.
I’ve decided that I need to make a list of things I want to do on a regular basis – soul food things. A bucket list is all good and well but I need a list to live by so here is my list at the moment:
- See, participate and enjoy live music at least once a month
- Eat a new taste/ cuisine at least once a month
- Cook something new at least once a month
- Get a massage at least once a month
- Read one non fiction book per month
- Read at least one fiction book per month
- Try to have breakfast with Cranky Pants at least 4 mornings per week – this is present breakfast no tv, laptops etc
- Make everyone sit down to a meal together at least twice per week – again being present
- Find something to make me smile and laugh EVERY DAY!
This is my living list, I’m sure it will grow and change but it’s a starting point.
I don’t know if it’s a middle age thing or just a difference in priorities but I’ve come to the decision that functionality is more important than looks in my underwear.
I had a time in my mid thirties where I spent up big on sexy undies and lingerie. Yep they were gorgeous, lace and satin, covered the curves beautifully. After an hour I was ready to rip them off. They where either scratching, pinching, riding up or falling down.
I’ve experimented with thongs but really why would I want to wear undies that give you a constant wedgie?
This year I discovered bonds cotton tails. My husband says they are the ugliest underwear he has ever seen and is embarrassed by them on the line.
Me, I’m proud of my comfy undies. Good underwear is the basis of any good outfit. There is nothing worse than constantly readjusting your nether regions, not a good look.
So next time you see large cotton undies on a clothes line know that there is a woman who is confident enough in herself to know undies don’t make you sexy but being comfortable in your skin does.